


Poker Night

by Fortune_Maiden



Category: Death Note
Genre: Gen, Humor, Originally Posted on FanFiction.Net, Written in 2012, exactly what it sounds like
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-09
Updated: 2015-05-09
Packaged: 2018-03-29 18:25:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3906247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fortune_Maiden/pseuds/Fortune_Maiden
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are certain things in life that should never be allowed to come to pass. A super genius detective, a super genius serial killer, four average policemen and Misa Amane playing poker is one of those things…</p>
            </blockquote>





	Poker Night

**Author's Note:**

> It's an old fic I wrote in 2012, but looking at it now, it's not as bad as I remember it being ^^"  
> So please enjoy this silly light-hearted humor piece :)  
> (And don't think too hard about it)

"Let's play poker," L suggested literally out of nowhere one uneventful evening. This had the effect of causing Light to put down the book he was reading, Misa to lift her head from her boyfriend's lap, Soichiro Yagami to pause in his paperwork reading, Aizawa to pause his one sided game of shogi with Matsuda, and Mogi to set down the schedule he was preparing for Misa's modeling jobs. All eyes turned to the genius detective, ranging from irritation to curiosity. Light was the one to speak first.

"Why?"

"I am bored and I find poker to be a very good way of getting inside each others heads."

"Huh?" Misa's eyes narrowed. Why did Ryuzaki always have to speak like that?

"Basically he wants to see which of us are good at this game and therefore good liars. Do you have some sort of new incorrect theory about me being Kira, Ryuzaki?" Light explained with a sigh. Poker was nothing short of an irritation for someone like him. If he was good at the game, he was Kira because of how good a poker face he had. If he was purposely bad, then he was Kira trying to illustrate "Light Yagami has a bad poker face and is therefore not Kira" making him Kira. And there was just no middle ground with L and his deductions…Light was personally thinking that he was going to wind up losing either way if the freaky genius detective was playing with him. How do you play poker against someone _trained_ to overanalyze every little thing you say and do?

"So shall we play?" L asked a wide eyed smile forming on his face. Of course Light couldn't refuse to play either. That was a whole other level of "You are Kira" suspicion to deal with. Really, L got hung up on every little thing that Light was starting to wonder if his sitting on the couch with his girlfriend in his lap and a book on criminal law was a sign that he was Kira in some way, shape, or form.

" _The fact that you are reading such a book implies that you are studying Japan's legal system which, while admirable, also implies that you are looking for a loophole to exploit in the event that I am able to get you into court. If you are not Kira, Light-kun, why are you doing that? Ah! But you are reading this on the couch in full view of the rest of us with your girlfriend on your lap. Is this you being a "normal teenager" Light-kun? Or did you deduce that I would think of you doing such a thing and are reading in public to make think that you are just reading a book on criminal law for your future as a policeman and not because you are exploiting loopholes in the legal department?"_ …Yeah Light was really spending too much time around L. After all, Kira would be executed in private anyway, if he were caught (not that he would be), so exploiting a loophole (not that Light was doing that) was a waste of time anyway.

"That sounds fun," Matsuda jumped up from his game like an overeager puppy. He was getting rather tired of beating Aizawa anyway (little known fact about Matsuda, he was absolutely vicious in games.) Mogi agreed too, probably relieved to be doing anything other than managing (it wasn't that he didn't like it. He did. It was just a lot more taxing than he ever thought possible, especially since both Misa _and_ L tended to be uncooperative at times). Aizawa muttered something about wasting time but didn't overtly object and Light, unable to disagree, agreed. Surprisingly, even Misa wanted to play. Which just left…

"Are you sure you want me to play? Poker is a bit difficult with seven people," Soichiro Yagami had an odd glint in his eye, but he also had a valid point. With fifty two cards in a deck, and seven players, only 17 cards were left over for swapping. And with such a wide distribution, a good hand would be very difficult to obtain fairly. No one seemed to really care.

"A heightened difficulty adds to the fun," L mused, "Even without you, Mr. Yagami, six people is still plenty difficult."

"Well…"

"Come on Dad, it's been a while. We're not going to catch Kira tonight anyway so a few rounds of poker won't really change anything."

"Well, alright if you insist," of course, it was clearly obvious that Soichiro Yagami had wanted to play from the start. And Light couldn't help but smirk as the man agreed to play (or course, he was careful to not be facing L during this smirk).

_Just as planned._

* * *

Watari brought them a poker set up sometime later with at least 100 packs of cards, all with different backings (some were even those pretty souvenir cards with pictures of various sights in the front). This was all to prevent obvious cheating of course, as L hated cheaters as they made everything much more boring. If he couldn't stare at someone's face and analyze if they were bluffing or not because of a hidden ace, then he had to be even more careful as that just added to the unpredictability.

Several rounds later revealed a few truly amusing things. Mogi, for all his stoicness, couldn't play poker for the life of him. He and Misa had to be seated together with a list of card rankings and like any beginner he attempted to look the opposite of his hand. If he had a good hand, he looked sullen. If he had a bad hand, he smiled very, very subtly. The man was very easy to read…and pressure. He had yet to win at all.

Misa was a tad more amusing. She attempted to randomize strategies by talking. A lot. She either complained or made it look like she was bluffing or mused about the weather…This made her win one hand where she had a flush, truly something worthwhile, but her luck wasn't too good otherwise. However the true amusement of Misa Amane's poker playing was Aizawa's reactions.

While everyone could get annoyed with Misa's constant talking, only Aizawa complained about it. And interestingly enough he only complained when he had a bad hand. Which was apparently often. The two times he didn't complain were the two times he won.

Matsuda was surprisingly skilled. As a very emotional guy he made a variety of expressions while playing, since he was busy talking with Mr. Yagami. However, his half dozen victories proved that he wasn't just making opposite expressions like Mogi and required actual reading. His victory streak took a hit though when it became obvious that he only blinked twice when he had a good hand (though it seemed like he caught on quickly).

And Soichiro Yagami?

"Light-kun, we are out of sugar cubes. Please accompany me to the kitchen for more." A clearly frustrated L stated blankly after Soichiro Yagami won his fifteenth hand. It was also his seventh in a row. Clearly something was not right.

Light barely had time to set his cards down when the handcuff chain extended to its maximum as he was dragged off. Poor L. It was truly difficult to play against Light's father. The man was a saint. He was a good father, a great cop, an excellent human being as far as human beings go…

…but he was the absolute demon king of poker.

"Figure it out yet Ryuzaki?" Light asked innocently as the detective piled on everything sweet he could find on a tray.

"Of course, Light-kun. I was merely waiting to be out of sugar to be able to drag you away." L responded, much calmer now, but irritation still present in his voice. He hated losing. "But I must say, I did not expect that from your father of all people. Matsuda is one thing, but-" Light just scoffed.

"Join the club. He and Sayu used to team up against me and Mom all the time. I know the trick but it seems he has a different code every time we raise the blinds so I can't keep up long enough."

"Well if we can't beat em, we join em, Light-kun, only not as obviously, of course."

Light smiled? He, too really hated to lose. Especially to his father. "What do you have in mind?"

* * *

Aizawa hated playing poker with these people. First Misa keeps talking trying to throw everyone off track regarding her hand, and she just doesn't shut up. Ever. Then Matsuda and Mr. Yagami try to have a "natural" conversation which is nothing more than them revealing each others cards through coded words. Worse yet is that just when he thinks he's figured out enough of their code, the blinds raise and they switch to a new one. And now, the two geniuses in the room are on a winning roll thanks to their own "subtle" little code. The sound of the handcuff chain was starting to give him a headache. Why couldn't he do something clever to win? Making a code with Amane and Mogi, the beginners, would be impossible, joining in Mr. Yagami and Matsuda's code would be demeaning, adding a third hand cuff to the chain so he could join Light and L was stupid…

…and hiding cards (Aizawa's specialty) was _damn impossible_ because of the stupid souvenir cards (Of course it would be noticeable if the Eiffel Tower Ace showed up in the Rome themed deck! Only a room full of Amanes (a nightmare in its own right) would be fooled by such a trick).

Still, Aizawa's luck was somewhat starting to go well. He was winning hands more often, a strange side effect of Misa Amane doodling in a sketch pad more than talking in recent games (which prompted less complaining regardless of his hand), but not a lot of money. The most irritating thing about those codes between the players was that it told them how much to bet and when to fold. So even when he was doing well, he wasn't doing well. Ugh and they were playing for real money too! (Albeit not as much money as the chips indicated. Thank God, No! It had been decided that the winner would just get 10,000 yen from every loser, since the initial _blind_ sums were ridiculous and now bordered on "a billionaire's entire estate" with all the doubling. The winner was of course the one who either got every player out of the game or had the most chips (value wise) after the last deck of cards had been played…There were about 50 packs left).

"Hey, it's getting pretty late," Mogi suddenly said as Light won another hand with a straight, "Maybe we should just call it a night?" The four who were really into the game looked at each others chip piles, then at Mogi, and collectively responded,

"No."

Okay, "responded" was too nice a word. "Practically yelled with the venom of a thousand snakes" was more accurate.

"Can we at least take a break then?" he asked, "Just ten minutes, I would really like to stretch my legs for a bit." It took a little more persuading, with Aizawa and Misa joining in the pleading, but finally a ten minute break was agreed upon. L dragged Light into the kitchen, Mr. Yagami went to check up on the news, with Matsuda following him, and Amane just sat at the table continuing her doodle. Aizawa glanced at it briefly. It was just some abstract gothic thing with lots of morbid color and crosses…Somehow that kind of drawing didn't suit the perky model but Aizawa didn't really care enough to, well, care.

He moved to the other end of the room and sat at the couch, Light had been using before this insane poker game. Mogi approached him.

"I suggest we team up as well," he whispered.

"Mogi, there are about 50 games left, would it really make a difference at this point?"

"Maybe not, but it would still put the others on their toes at least."

"Can you seriously make a code in ten minutes?" Aizawa really had no idea when Mr. Yagami and Matsuda made their codes but it was probably ages ago. And Light and L's complicated handcuff chain clicking was made by geniuses. He and Mogi were very ordinary guys. How could they make a code in that little time?"

"Don't worry, I took a sheet from Misa and was jotting down various codes." He handed Aizawa a sheet of paper with various characters on it. Aizawa frowned.

"The others are going to figure it out quickly."

"That's why we pretend. I only denoted the various ranks code words. All the others are fakes to trip them up. Use them at your leisure." Aizawa just stared at Mogi. He really didn't expect that from him. You really do learn a lot while playing poker with your coworkers.

* * *

"And so I told _Yamazaki_ that there was no way _Himeji_ would agree to go on a _ride_ on a _red boat_ with him unless he took _a black blindfold_ and covered her eyes the whole time."

_*Click click clang*_

_*Clang clickety cling click*_

"Perhaps the _blindfold_ was a _bit much_ though. _Shimada_ surely would have been _fine_ if the boat was _green_."

"I think it's important that we _focus_ on other _groups_ as well. It's not _right_ to automatically assume the _worst case_."

"Perhaps if we _stop_ pressuring them, they'll _agree_ in their own _terms_."

_*Clang clang*_

Misa lifted her pen, the moment she heard that last clang. It was getting to be very tiring to have to listen to all that random chatter and chain clanging. Why didn't anyone think to approach her with their ideas? It wasn't fair to leave her out.

She was tired. Leaving the game before its conclusion was not allowed, as per the original rules and she had no intention of forfeiting. But Misa Amane had a _shoot_ in the morning and models were _not_ allowed to look _tired_ …

She was even starting to emphasize certain words in her thoughts as though she were speaking in code. Well that was it…

"All in!" Misa declared cheerfully pushing all of her admittedly not many chips into the center of the pile. Everyone ceased talking at once.

"Misa, are you sure? If you lose this round (and you will) then you'll be out of the game." Light was concerned…not. He was so tired of playing that even Misa could see that he was forcing that concerned act.

"Misa-Misa's tired!" she whined, "It's almost 2 am and I have a shoot in the morning. I'll be kicked out if I look tired! Let's just make this our final round! Pleeeease!" Misa wasn't the only one tired at this point. Everyone looked like they would doze off any moment and yet no one wanted to do the sensible thing and just count their chips and call it a night. Mogi sighed.

"Alright, I'm all in too," he said, "Let's make this the decisive round." Aizawa glanced at his cards once more (he was feeling confident with the spade flush he had) and went all in as well.

Matsuda looked a little worried but he knew that the chief had a good hand (A full house with the Kings of diamond and clover, and nines of diamond, clover and spade) so either way he would get his share (what could beat a full house right?). Soichiro Yagami was confident in his hand as well. He went all in.

This left Light and L. Light had a good hand, (whether it was better than his father's he wasn't sure anymore though because his mind was just too tired to keep up) so he just sighed and said, "Ryuzaki, I agree with Misa. It's been over four hours. Let's end this already." He was too tired to give a damn about whether his statement carried an "I'm Kira" implication too. He went all in.

"Giving up, Light-kun? Disappointing," L had not been graced with a good hand. And unlike Light, he did keep up with everyone else's hands. And part of him felt that this was a trap of some sort. But he only had the option of folding or going all in as well, as either way when the hands were revealed, the giant pile in the center would out value his pile. He just clicked his tongue irritably and went all in as well.

So this was the moment of truth. The chips were all in a huge messy pile, and seven pairs of tired eyes clutched their cards. The tension was so thick that even the sharpest knife wouldn't be able to cut it. And then suddenly there was giggling.

Cute, childish giggling. Coming from beginner player Misa Amane. It was a very creepy giggle.

"Misa. Why are you laughing?" Light was already dreading the answer.

"M-Misa's not laughing, hee hee," she giggled, "But it's just, I only saw poker being played in that remake of "The Parent Trap" before, you know that one with that redhead?"

"Oh I remember that movie! It was really good!"

"I know right? And I was just remembering how the twins were playing poker in the very beginning and made a bet that the loser had to jump into the lake naked and—"

"Amane!" Aizawa snapped, "Do you have a point?"

Misa stopped giggling and grinned pleasantly. It was very creepy.

"I just didn't think that the winning hand in that game was actually possible in real life…at least not by accident…even in hearts." Everyone suddenly paled and stared at their hands. Matsuda was the first to fold. Mogi followed. Mr. Yagami frowned but set down his hand as well, followed by Light who was now certain that his father's hand had been better than his anyway. Aizawa scowled and folded as well, muttering under his breath. Even L had been caught of guard by that. He folded.

No one really did think it was possible but it was likely to be true. They all knew each others hands after all based on their various codes. So they all knew one frightening factor about each other.

No one had any Royal Hearts in any of their hands.

And they realized something even more horrific…

No one had bothered keeping track of Misa's hand. Her consistent bad acting and switching tactics didn't even let them think that she should be watched for any _real_ good hands. She only won three games total after all.

And she had totally gotten them to surrender all their chips on the best hand possible.

"Well good game, Amane."

"Yeah, lady luck must really like you."

"Pretty cool Misa-Misa."

"I can't believe it."

"Hmph."

"Well, good night Misa."

One by one, the taskforce left the poker table, unable to say anything else. As soon as she was alone, Misa set down her hand.

High Card: Queen of Hearts.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, I hope you liked it. 
> 
> Like I said, it's an old fic, and not meant to be taken seriously at all, but I think it's still pretty cute, and I hope you do too :)
> 
> And one should never underestimate Misa-Misa the actress! >:3


End file.
